


I'll stab you & your mom! I don't care!

by ArisuAmiChan



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Complete, Crack, Crack Fic, F/M, GrimmIchiServerEnablers, M/M, One Shot, Sorry Not Sorry, finished fic, let me enjoy this ok, pairings are loosely implied bc i up at 430am for work when i started this, this was my child and i love it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24279586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArisuAmiChan/pseuds/ArisuAmiChan
Summary: Her laughter was contagious and Renji was chuckling alongside them, Rukia dropping her bankai to roll on the ground in her regular shinigami uniform to avoid ruining the beautiful kimono and ribbons.“I’ll stab you in the fuckingfoot, Kurosaki.” Grimmjow hissed, eyes narrowed in an angry glare as Ichigo continued to laugh. Fucker thought he washilarious, didn’t he?A.K.A.: That one time they all actually make a decent joke and piss someone else off instead of Ishida.
Relationships: Abarai Renji/Kuchiki Rukia, GrimmIchi, Grimmjow Jaegerjaques/Kurosaki Ichigo, RenRuki - Relationship
Comments: 11
Kudos: 65





	I'll stab you & your mom! I don't care!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mothwood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mothwood/gifts), [Plouton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plouton/gifts).



_Squad Thirteen Barracks Training Ground, Soul Society_

* * *

Ichigo was sparring against Rukia, who was in bankai and trying to figure out what she could do and how long she could hold it for.

He was still trying to figure out what he could do with his new bankai as well. Besides the Gran Rey Tenshō when he had that huge amount of Quincy reiatsu hit him.

Renji was off to the side watching them, waiting to spar with the winner. His eyes were on Rukia the entire time as he watched and Ichigo _knew_ he was smitten with her.

Look, he may not have his own shit figured out but with his friends? _Their_ shit he had figured out pretty well by now.

“Come on! You two can do better!! I wanna see blood!” And Grimmjow was there as well, sitting to the side watching them with Ikkaku and Yumichika. 

Ichigo scoffed and rolled his eyes, Rukia glaring in return. “Dude, it’s a _spar_ not a death battle. That shit ended two years ago.”

“Shut the fuck up, Kurosaki!” Grimmjow snarled and jumped off the wall he was sitting on, landing between him and Rukia. “I wanna see that mask you had back during the Winter War! I wanna see _that_ power instead!”

“Grimmjow, wait your turn. I’ll spar with you if I manage to win against Renji, okay?” Ichigo sighed, dragging his hand down in his face in exasperation. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Yumichika and Ikkaku bounce out of the training area, Ikkaku complaining loudly the entire time.

Rukia chuckled at something, drawing his attention to her. “What?”

“I just realized your swords are _knives_ , Ichigo.” She gestured to the dual blades, the young man frowning as he studied them before looking up at her with a cheeky grin.

Ichigo held up the smaller trench knife -his Quincy abilities and the Old Man- “That’s not a knife." He let it drop to his side as he held out the much larger khyber knife -Zangetsu and his shinigami abilities- and continued. _"That's_ a knife!”

Rukia _howled_ in laughter at the joke and Grimmjow’s face. It was clear he didn’t enjoy the joke as much as she and Ichigo did.

Her laughter was contagious and Renji was chuckling alongside them, Rukia dropping her bankai to roll on the ground in her regular shinigami uniform to avoid ruining the beautiful kimono and ribbons.

“I’ll stab you in the fucking _foot_ , Kurosaki.” Grimmjow hissed, eyes narrowed in an angry glare as Ichigo continued to laugh. Fucker thought he was _hilarious,_ didn’t he?

When things finally settled down, Grimmjow was out of the way again and they (Rukia and Ichigo) were ready to go again.

Several strikes and dodged attack in, Rukia opened her mouth. “Honey, put down the knife! We were only _talking_ about getting a divorce!”

“No, Margret!!” Ichigo paused to stabbed the tip of his sword into the ground, grinning like a mad man again. “I _know_ you’ve been cheating on me with WENDY!”

He pointed to Renji, who swooned at the perfect time and spoke up. “How could you know?! We’ve hid it so well!”

Grimmjow _really_ wanted to stab him in the foot now. “I’ll kill you, assholes. Go fuck yourselves, seriously.”

Thank god the two Squad Eleven annoyances already left them or he’d have punched the bald fucker. At least Madarame would have put up a fight. Instead Grimmjow had to hear shitty knife jokes and watch what was basically a play fight between children. 

Ugh, he should have stayed in Hueco Mundo and pissed Nelliel off. At least during _their_ sparring session, she would have pimp slapped the _shit_ out of him at some point for _something_ he did or said.

How much would it take to piss Ichigo off and get him to slap him, he wondered. Would it be a phrase or action? Would it take some kind of action against someone he knew? 

The little shinigami wench was laughing again and he moved in close to Ichigo, grinning a feral, wild grin. “Oi, Kurosaki.”

“What?” He snapped, turning to face Grimmjow, grinning that stupid grin of his again. "Also, _knife_ to meet you!" 

Laughter started up again between the three of them, Grimmjow's brow twitching in annoyance before he lashed out with a quick and sharp punch to his face.

“What the _fuck_?!” Ichigo shouted, holding his now bleeding nose before lashing out with a slap in return. Grimmjow took the reiatsu strengthened hit, licking the blood from his now split lip and chuckled.

“Don’t ignore me when I wanna fight you, asshole.” His left cheek stung from the hit and he _enjoyed_ it. 

He might have enjoyed it a _little_ too much if the forming erection was anything to go by. That had _never_ happened when Nelliel did it. Eyes wide and cheeks a faint pink, he left the training ground and Ichigo began to chase after him to keep their fisticuffs going. Well, shit.

“Fucker! I’m going to _kill_ you for that shit!”

Things were looking up for him at least. Now he could fight Ichigo on fair ground and not damage anything other than the fields further out.

Although the partial stiffie he had going on was another matter that needed to be taken care of. Would Kurosaki be willing to join him in a 'horizontal tango' or no? Grimmjow would just have to find out.

**Author's Note:**

> Mothwood and Plouton deserve a treat for ruining me emotionally today. Like.... Y'all know how to sucker punch a poor girl in the gut with heart wrenching shit. THANK GOD I HAVE OFF FROM WORK OR ELSE I WOULD HAVE BEEN A WORSE MESS THAN I AM. 
> 
> Gran Rey Tenshō is also my new name for the Gran Rey Cero-Getsuga Tenshō combo Ichigo used against Gross Quincy Granddad. So yeah. No one can change my mind, bye!!


End file.
